love you all
by darciewritestoo
Summary: Five years have passed since David and Jack left New York. Now David has received some devastating news and must go back and face everyone he left behind. Follows "I want to get off one time and not apologize," "For nobody else gave me a thrill," and "Take my fears and let my heart soar."


Five years.

David stood on the deck of the ship, looking out as New York City came into view. He couldn't believe how fast the past five years had gone. And now he was back.

He felt a familiar presence next to him and rested his pinky finger on Jack's. They had gotten good at touching each other without seeming suspicious. Not that they'd had to totally hide it in Belgium. There was no danger there. Well, no legal danger. They were still careful in public because violence was everywhere.

"You alright, Davey?" Jack asked, looking concerned. "We didn't haveta come back, you know."

"Yeah, we did." David replied grimly.

He had only been in contact with Sarah for the past five years. No one else knew where David and Jack had gone or why, but David had told Sarah everything when he was leaving. She was sweet about it, assuring him that she'd tell no one. And since then they had been corresponding.

So when the letter came from Sarah telling David that their father was sick with no hope of recovery, David knew he had to put his fears aside. He had to see his father before he was gone.

"Come on, Davey. We haveta get our stuff." Jack said, tugging David's arm gently. "We're almost there."

David finally looked at Jack, trying to smile. Jack was still very much the same, but also much more grown-up than he'd been when they met ten years ago. He was still goofy, still a troublemaker, still moody sometimes, but he had grown even more caring and concerned over the years. He didn't always say it, but he always made sure David knew that he loved him through his actions. And it didn't help that he'd gotten more handsome. David wanted to reach out and brush his cheek, to feel his stubble.

But he didn't. Not here.

They went below deck to retrieve their suitcases. When they got there they found that they weren't alone. Other passengers were gathering their items. If they'd been alone, David would have sought out Jack's comfort for a moment. He needed it. His father was dying.

When that letter came, Jack insisted on coming back with David despite the fact that he managed a small restaurant full-time. He had gotten a replacement immediately, telling David that Meyer was like a parent to him too. That night they had made love more due to grief and comfort rather than want.

"Wait," Jack said as they approached deck again. He set his suitcase down and opened it, grabbing something red. David couldn't help but smile as Jack tied his bandana around his neck. "How else is anyone gonna recognize me?" Jack joked, picking up his suitcase again.

o

The apartment was even smaller than David remembered, despite the fact that the home he and Jack shared in Belgium wasn't much bigger.

His mother opened the door immediately when David knocked, and pulled them into a big hug. "David. Jack. I can't believe you two are here. Where have you been all these years?" As she pulled back, David studied her face. She was definitely stressed, definitely already grieving. She probably would have been more angry with David if she wasn't dealing with her husband's impending death.

"Europe." David replied. He set down his suitcase. "Do you mind if we stay here, ma? We haven't got anywhere else to go, unless we want to pay for somewhere to stay."

"Of course, David." Esther said gently. "I'm glad you two have remained friends all these years, and that you're both here."

David and Jack exchanged a look. Then Jack said, "I'm so sorry for what's goin' on. Can we see him?"

Esther nodded and led them into the bedroom, which David used to share with Sarah and Les. His father lay in bed covered in blankets. He was alive, but sleeping right now. David walked right over and took his father's hand. He asked his mother, "There's really no hope for him?"

His mother shook her head. "His cancer has spread too much, David. He has days left, at most."

"Where are Les and Sarah?" David asked. "I'd like to see them too."

"Les is coming home tonight. He's at Columbia now, following in your footsteps." Esther replied proudly.

David nodded. Sarah had told him that. He couldn't believe his little brother, the kid who had basically thrown him and Jack together, was at Columbia.

"And Sarah, Bryan, and the kids are getting some groceries. They should be back in a few minutes."

David was excited to see all of them, even under the worst of circumstances.

Then Meyer stirred and David turned to his father immediately. Jack and Esther both rushed to the bedside. Meyer's eyes were opened, but he looked a bit confused. "David... is that you?"

David's heart jumped. His father was so weak now. "Yes, papa. It's me. I came here to see you. Jack's here too."

Jack courteously didn't force Meyer to stretch more than he could. He walked right into Meyer's view. "Hi, Mr. Jacobs."

Meyer just smiled. "I get to see you before I go."

"Don't talk like that, papa." David told his father. He didn't want to cry, but he could feel it starting. He blinked back his tears. He wasn't going to lose it, not now.

"It's true, son." Meyer replied. "But I get to see my children. I'm happy." He gave Jack a weak smile. "And my adopted son."

David gripped his father's hands tighter. Maybe if they were all somewhere else, back in Belgium or somewhere, David would be able to tell his father what he and Jack were to each other. He would risk it if they were somewhere they wouldn't get thrown in jail or have to pay a big fine. As much as he loved his father, there was no telling what he might say to Esther, or what Esther might do with the information. Not that he didn't trust his mother. He just had to be careful.

A few minutes later, David heard the front door open. Two young children rushed into the room, jumping on either side of Meyer. "Grampa, we're back!"

David knew that one of the children was Sarah's daughter Esther Rebecca. She had been very young when David and Jack left America, but she looked just like Sarah. There was also a little boy, about two years old. Bryan Jr., according to Sarah's letters.

The younger child had noticed David and Jack, and stared at them with wide eyes. "Who you?" This also got Esther Rebecca's attention.

Sarah and Denton walked into the room then. All these years and David still thought of Bryan Denton as Denton. He didn't look much older, but David could see the age difference between Denton and his sister clearly now. Still, they looked happy. And she looked very pregnant with their next child.

"Children, this is your Uncle David and Uncle Jack." Sarah told Esther Rebecca and Bryan Jr. "They live in Europe, but they're back now."

Esther Rebecca gave both Jack and David big hugs, but Bryan Jr. was still shy no matter how friendly David and Jack were to him.

David and Jack exchanged big hellos with Sarah and Denton. As strange as it was to be back in New York, it was also so familiar to be among his loved ones, even though life had gone on when he was in Belgium.

o

Sarah and Jack prepared supper so that David's mother could sit by her husband's beside that evening. Jack had learned all about restaurants and cooking, not just managing, so he was able to do a lot of the work. Sarah noted that she hadn't expected this from Jack, that he'd grown up. He said something charming about wanting to be helpful, especially to Sarah in her condition. Typical Jack.

The children played in the bedroom, and David and Denton sat at the dining room table.

"What have you been doing in Belgium?" Denton asked curiously.

"Writing." David replied. "I've been working freelance, mostly. But I'm also writing a book."

"What about?"

David hesitated. "Articles... and a book. It's a novel. Kind of a love story." It was a queer love story. David wasn't sure if anything would ever come of it. He was much better at writing non-fiction.

"Autobiographical?" Denton looked to Jack, who was busy joking around with Sarah and stirring soup.

David stared at him a moment. "It's not autobiographical." That wasn't a lie. The story in his book was a lot different than his and Jack's story. He wasn't sure he wanted people to draw similarities between them if the book ever did get in the hands of the public.

Denton accepted his answer. "You know, Sarah told me," he said in a low voice. David sat up straight, immediately tense, but Denton put a hand on his arm, relaxing him. "Don't get upset, David. I asked her. There are very few reasons two guys disappear to a country that doesn't have sodomy laws."

David shushed him. "My mother could hear you."

He shook his head. "She's busy taking care of your father. But you should know you have a friend in me. You and Jack both do. I always suspected, and you'd be surprised how well hidden the homosexual community is."

"Except when they get arrested." David muttered.

Denton nodded. "Except then. But I hope you know that I am here for you and Jack."

David managed a smile. "Bryan Denton, I never would have taken you for a radical."

"I'm a friend." Denton repeated. "The world will change. Are you going to tell your father before he..."

"Wasn't planning on it." David admitted. "But I thought about it. I don't know if he'd take it well. What if it kills him before he's ready? What if he-"

"You think learning that his son loves someone would shock him so much it would kill him?" Denton shook his head. "David, no one's perfect, but your parents love you. They can handle it. I'm not trying to pressure you. I know you have a good head on your shoulders and you're strong enough to make your own decisions. But Meyer has mentioned that he hopes you find someone you love. I think it would make him happy to know you have. Even if it's Jack." He said the last bit jokingly, nudging David's side.

A few minutes later, Les arrived. When he walked into the apartment, David stood up, taking in his little brother's appearance. He was... grown up. He looked like a Columbia student. God, where had the time gone?

"David." Les said, his eyes wide. He glanced toward the kitchen. "Jack?"

"Didn't Sarah tell you we were coming?" David walked over and hugged his brother.

"Yes, but I didn't believe it. You got on a ship in Europe to come home? How long are you staying?" Les asked, suddenly excited.

Jack walked in, giving Les a traditional Newsie hug, spitting on his hand and then hugging him. David smiled at the memories. He used to think that was disgusting. And it still sort of was, but he and Jack had shared many, many germs since they were teenagers. "We're stayin' a little while. I gave up my restaurant," he told Les. "Least for now."

"And I can write from anywhere." David offered. But he wasn't sure he wanted to stay in New York. They'd made a home in Europe. They'd had to learn to speak another language, yes, but it had been worth it. They were happy in Belgium. Still, it wasn't New York. "If we go back, you should come visit us someday."

Les nodded eagerly. "I would love to do that!"

David felt relieved. He'd spent time wondering whether Les resented him for leaving. But Les's personality was the same. He loved everyone. Not everything had changed.

o

The sleeping arrangements were all over the place. Sarah's family stayed in Meyer and Esther's room, and Esther and Les stayed in the bedroom with Meyer. David and Jack made comfortable temporary beds out of blankets in the living room. As much as David wanted to sleep next to Jack, he knew that he shouldn't. Not closely.

But in the middle of the night, the room was lit up dimly, and David hadn't been able to sleep yet. When he opened his eyes, he saw Jack staring back at him.

"Hi," David whispered. He reached out for Jack's hand.

"Hey, Dave." Jack sat up, pushing aside the blankets. "Come with me."

David got up immediately, stretching. "Where are we going?"

"Somewhere for old time's sake."

Jack led David to the bathroom. David almost laughed as Jack shut them in there. The space was cramped, but the memories were still there. This was where Jack had confronted David about his feelings in the most inappropriate and uncomfortable way possible.

"What are we doing here?" David couldn't help but smile.

Jack slipped out of his longjohns. "Somethin' queer."

David didn't hesitate. Jack reached out and pulled down David's own bottoms. Their nightshirts were long, so they took them off. Back home they slept naked, and this whole thing had David feeling like a naughty teenager again because of the circumstances. His whole family was in this little apartment and they were taking a huge risk. When he was seventeen, David would have been hesitant. Now it was just exciting.

Jack stepped forward, running his hands down David's waist and kissing his neck. "It's been awhile since we've done this."

It was true. They hadn't been intimate since they left home. David's groin stirred. Even after so many years, his reaction to Jack was almost immediate.

It felt like Jack's lips were everywhere. David dug his fingers into Jack's back as Jack kissed David's shoulder, grazing it a bit with his teeth.

"What d'ya want me to do?" Jack asked. He pulled back and looked at David, right in the eyes.

"Anything," David replied sincerely, almost breathlessly. "I just want you."

Jack grinned wickedly and pushed him against the wall. By then, David's erection stood tall and proud and he was tempted to cry out even when Jack just brushed a hand against it. He almost couldn't stand it when Jack kneeled in front of him and he felt the warmth and wetness. It was almost too much, in a good way.

David looked down to see Jack stroking himself too, and for some reason that made everything so much better. David began to move against Jack's mouth, careful not to hit the back of his throat (he'd done that before with pretty bad results). Jack become an expert in the past few years though, and made some movements with his tongue that made David moan.

Jack stopped what he was doing for a second and smirked up at him. "Shhh, Dave. We don't want everyone to hear."

"Then stop being so good at this," David replied as Jack took him in again. "Actually... no, don't stop."

"Which is it?" Jack asked in a teasing voice. David felt the vibration from his mouth.

"Jack-" David couldn't get the words out.

"Got it." Jack said, continuing his motions, both with his mouth and with his hand.

When David started to get close, he told Jack. Jack stood up in front of David and they both took hold of themselves, stroking until they each reached their climaxes. David, because he'd had extra help, was first. But then when he was done, he spoke words of encouragement to Jack, telling him things he wished they could do right then. Jack ended up coming hard.

When they finished, David pulled Jack close to him. Jack's heartbeat was still fast, and David was sure his matched. David buried his face against Jack's neck.

"We should get back and get some sleep." David said eventually. As cramped as the tiny bathroom was, he didn't want to. He wanted to stay here.

"Damn, you're right." Jack said. His breathing slowed to a normal pace.

They pulled up their longjohns and smoothed everything so that they didn't look too suspicious.

David opened the door and peered out into the darkness. He gestured to Jack to follow him. David kept looking back at Jack, unable to focus on anything else.

When they found their blankets again, Jack grabbed David's wrist, and David looked down and understood why.

Les was sitting on top of the blankets looking up at them. There was something in his face that he thought he would never see.

Les looked a combination of scared and disgusted.

He'd heard them.

o

"Les. Les!"

David tried to catch up to his younger brother, but Les disappeared down the hallway and around the corner.

For the second time in five minutes, Jack caught his arm protectively.

"What are you doing? We have to get him before he tells the cops!" David said.

"He ain't gonna tell the bulls." Jack said soothingly. "He probably doesn't know what's goin' on, but he won't tell the cops. He's your brother, Dave."

"He knows the law." David argued. "He's a student at Columbia and knows the law. He knows what to do, and-"

"Dave," Jack said again. "He won't tell. Even if he thinks it's disgusting he won't tell. You gotta believe in him."

David looked into Jack's eyes. Jack was dead serious. He was also an excellent motivator, which David had found out as soon as they met. He took a few breaths, willing his panic to ease. "What do we do?"

"We'll find him tomorrow and sit him down and talk t'him." Jack replied, leading David back into the apartment. "Let him cool off for awhile, find a girl he can spend his time with so he don't think he's queer even for one second. Then we can tell him he's got nothin' to worry about - that it's us who gotta worry."

"You used to be so hotheaded." David observed. They walked back to their blankets, but David knew he wouldn't be able to sleep a wink.

Jack covered them up and they lay as far apart as possible even though Jack held David's hand under the covers all night.

o

In the morning, David's mother was a mess. She woke them up with a shriek, and at first David had thought that his father had finally gone to meet his maker. But then she asked him desperately where Les was.

David was right; he hadn't been able to sleep, but he had dozed quite a bit. He rubbed his eyes when his mother woke him up and sat up groggily. "What?"

"Les went somewhere and didn't tell us!" Esther wailed. David assumed that normally she wouldn't act this way because Les was an adult, but because Meyer was dying, his mother's emotions were jumbled up.

Jack's eyes opened and David glanced at him before focusing on his mother. "Mama, I'm sure that he's fine. Maybe he felt like the place was cramped and needed some air. He'll be back."

Esther nodded and looked to the kitchen. "I'll prepare a quick breakfast while your father sleeps. Then we can spend the day with him. Maybe he'll be awake then."

Sarah and Denton, along with their kids, had just come out of the room they slept in. David saw that they were busy with the children, so he spoke up. "I don't mind doing it. Jack and I have to fend for ourselves back in Belgium."

As he walked into the kitchen to get breakfast started, he saw that his mother had followed him in there.

"You never mentioned where you were going or why. Just that you were leaving." Esther noted, lingering by the small counter, where he started to lay food out.

He looked up at her. "I need a change of scenery, a change of pace. I needed life experience. Something to write about. That doesn't mean I'm not glad to see you again, Ma."

Her eyes were a little watery as she nodded and walked toward the bedroom to check on Meyer.

A few moments later, Jack came in and gave him the report. "Sarah and the kids are goin' ta buy more food, but make what's here. Want some help?"

He managed to smile at Jack. "That would be great."

Jack began to stir and chop and basically do whatever David told him to do. As they cooked, they talked about what they want to do. They were both careful about what they actually said, because even though Sarah and Denton knew, there were still others who didn't. They also didn't want to make any actual promises about where they would stay.

"I don't know if we can stay here." David told Jack. "This is home, but Belgium is home now too. We know how to speak the languages there now and we can be us without fear of the law, in private."

"Yeah, plus our stuff's over there. But maybe we should visit here every year." Jack suggested. "We were gone years and we don't know where our friends are anymore. Plus you haven't gotten ta see your sister's kids."

David nodded. He had two homes now, and he needed to choose where he was going to be safe. Where he and Jack would be safe. As Jack stirred the oats and grains with water, David reached out and covered Jack's hand for a moment. It was quick, but Jack looked up and their eyes met in understanding.

After breakfast, everyone gathered around Meyer. He seemed to be stable, which was lucky. But he wasn't awake. David and Jack sat with everyone for awhile when they heard the front door open. David turned to see that it was Les, and he was standing there awkwardly. He excused himself to go see his younger brother.

"Let's talk." David said. Les just nodded.

David opened the window to the balcony. This balcony had a history for him, especially for him and Jack. The first night he had met Jack, they stood there together. David had felt something, but he didn't know what it was then. His heart had been pounding, and all that he had known was that he wanted to see this crazy, fascinating guy again. Here was now, years later, about to confess that all to his younger brother.

When he closed the window, he stood next to Les, looking out at the street. "What exactly did you hear?" he asked, figuring he should cut to the chase.

"I would rather that repeat what I heard." Les said, looking away. "But I'm not stupid. I know what it was. You and Jack are queer."

David sighed and turned to his little brother. "Yeah. We are."

"How long have you been queer?" Les finally looked up. David couldn't read his face.

He decided to go with the truth. "Me? Probably forever. With Jack? Since around the time I started going to Columbia. I was really scared at first, you know. If you think it's easy... it's really not. Not when the cops are out to get you for no reason."

Les didn't reply, not right away. He looked stunned, like David had mentioned something he hadn't considered. Maybe the fact that David and Jack weren't hurting anyone had just come to light.

"Les," David said. Les looked at him again. He was listening. "Do you remember a long time ago when we first got involved with the Newsies? You were always a good kid, but I knew I had to protect you. The people out there - especially when you're spending time with criminals... anyway... now I'm asking you to protect me."

Les looked at him for a good minute before saying, "I don't know what I think about you two, but I do know I won't say anything. You're my brother."

"I'm sorry if it disgusts you." David said, and he was telling the truth. The last thing he wanted was for his younger brother to think he was disgusting. Not when Les used to admire him so much.

"I don't know if it does." Les admitted. "But I guess I'm confused. Is that why you went away?"

"Yeah," David replied. "It's not illegal to be queer in Belgium. It's not like I can kiss him on the street, but if I did, I wouldn't get arrested."

They alternated between talking and silence. David described life abroad, demonstrating the new languages he had picked up. He wasn't completely fluent, but he got by on what he had learned over the past few years. He really did miss Europe and knew he and Jack would go back. This time, they wouldn't disappear without telling anyone. This time, it was their home they would return to.

Later, around early afternoon, Jack peaked his head outside through the window. David could tell that he wanted to ask if everything was alright, but instead he said, "Dave, your father's askin' to talk to ya alone."

o

Once he was inside the bedroom, David shut the door behind him. He could see that his father was kind of awake, but not completely there. Still, he hurried to Meyer's side and took his hand. "Papa, you wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes," his father answered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I wanted to talk to you alone before I'm gone."

David nodded. "Alright."

"You went to Europe. To Belgium, your mother said?" he asked. David confirmed it. Meyer's smile was weak. "My son the traveler. I always knew you'd be someone important. Your sister sent us your pieces and articles. Did you know that?" "

"I didn't." David replied truthfully. He had never asked Sarah to keep his pieces a secret, but he hadn't expected her to hand them over to their parents either.

"You're talented. You've really become something." Meyer closed his eyes for a moment before focusing them on David's. "David, I want you to promise me you won't let anyone take away your happiness. Your mother and I pressured you to marry because we wanted you to be happy. I want you to find someone you love and stay with that person. But always be true to yourself. Can you do that for me?"

David's first instinct was to say that of course he could do that. But instead he blurted out, "What if I already have?"

Meyer smiled again. David noticed how his father's breathing had slowed and he knew it wouldn't be long now. He would definitely be gone soon. He gripped his father's hand tighter. His father, who had raised him, who had been the sole provider throughout David's childhood. He'd taught David to write and read and question everything he was told. Sure, school had taught him quite a bit, but his father's experiences had played a large part.

Now he was here, dying of cancer. It wasn't fair. His father should have lived to be ninety and died of natural causes.

It took effort for Meyer to breathe now. But when he got enough air, he said, "Then Jack is a lucky man."

David's heart jumped. He started to ask his father just what he meant, but Meyer was already asleep.

o

David didn't tell Jack about what his father had said. Instead, they all spent the rest of the afternoon and the evening as a family. That night, David and Jack slept on the floor again. This time they held on each other and they didn't care if someone came in and saw them. The only one they would really have to explain it to was Esther, and maybe they would someday if they were brave enough.

In the morning, David's father was gone.

It surprised no one; even Sarah and Bryan's kids had recognized that their grandfather was sick. Still, Sarah had to sit them down and explain what death really was, or at least her idea of it. It was no surprise that Esther Rebecca had heard about the Christian Heaven, even though neither Sarah or Bryan had wanted to raise them with religion. David looked on as his sister explained to her children that they could believe whatever they wanted as long as they were kind.

Despite everything, David smiled.

o

Three weeks later, David and Jack were on a ship back to Europe. The journey had just started, and since it was night, David decided to spread out a blanket he had brought. He thought about the trip to New York, and though he had lost his father, he would remember this trip with fondness.

He should have known to trust those he loved most. He had friends in Sarah and Bryan in addition to them being family. His father had even been supportive in his final hours after learning the truth. Even Les had come around. There was no denying that both David and Jack were his heroes in different ways. That ended up being all that mattered. Les had even brought up the fact that he wanted to visit them in Belgium someday.

David's mother had decided that she wanted to live with Sarah and Bryan and their kids, which was perfectly alright. There was enough room, and the kids loved her. She wasn't ready to give up just because her husband had passed away, and David was proud of her for it. She had hinted that she knew about David and Jack's relationship but had never explicitly said it. That was alright.

Some of the former newsies had shown up to David's father's funeral. Though they went by their real names now, David fell into the habit of calling Crutchy, Kid Blink, and Mush by their nicknames. It had been a great reunion, and they had filled Jack and David in on some of the other former newsies. Some had settled down, some hadn't. They didn't question Jack and David a great deal about settling down. They were more interested in the other aspects of their lives.

David smiled as he smoothed the blanket. He knew he'd mess it up soon enough, but he didn't care. A moment later, there was a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and Jack was there.

"Ready to go back?" Jack asked, looking into his eyes meaningfully. They couldn't really touch, but they could communicate through looks.

David nodded.

He really was ready. The rest of their lives were ahead of them.


End file.
